Tiger Rolls

Makes 24 rolls

Warning: these aren’t for the faint of heart. Here be lots O’ butter!
I came up with these sweet rolls modeled after a mashup of one of my favorite doughnuts - the tiger tail - and cinnamon rolls. I’d been thinking about Love’n Bake’s chocolate schmear and how that would taste in a cinnamon roll. A local doughnut shop makes tiger tails by spreading the doughnut dough with butter and devil’s food cake mix, then frying. When I usually make cinnamon rolls, I make a cinnamon schmear with soft butter, cinnamon, and brown sugar because I feel it’s easier and more consistent. So I tried a similar method using cake mix and melted butter and the result was amazing! These were gone in record time. The cream cheese frosting just elevates it to a new level. This makes a double batch, so if you halve it, be sure to weigh the cake mix to ensure you have half the box. You could make this recipe with other flavors like strawberry, vanilla, spice... but I don’t recommend using anything with larger bits like carrot cake as they won’t hydrate properly. 

- 16oz lukewarm water
- 2 large eggs
- 4oz unsalted butter, melted
- 2.5oz whole milk powder
- 4oz sugar
- 34oz bread flour (plus extra if needed)
- 5 teaspoons instant yeast (I use SAF gold made for sweet doughs)

Cake mix schmear
- 1 box devil’s food or chocolate cake mix
- 2 sticks butter, melted


Whipped cream cheese frosting
- 2 sticks of butter, softened
- 16oz cream cheese, room temp
- 4-5 cups powdered sugar
- 4oz heavy whipping cream


Add ingredients (water through yeast) in order listed to the mixing bowl of a stand mixer (a full batch is too large for a bread machine).
 Knead with the bread hook on low until the dough forms a smooth ball and is just slightly tacky.
Cover with plastic wrap and let rise until doubled or very puffy (30 mins to 1 hour)
Punch down and divide into two equal balls using a kitchen scale.
Roll one ball into a large rectangle about 12” x 18” and spread the cake mix schmear (see below) over the dough, leaving a 1” border on one of the short ends so you can pinch the roll closed. 
Roll up and pinch the roll closed lengthwise. And cut into 12 equal rolls about 1” thick.
Pro-tip: use unflavored dental floss by sliding it under the roll, wrapping each end around the roll so they form an X, and pulling to cut through the dough.
Place in a buttered 13x9” pan, cover with plastic wrap, and let rise until very puffy (30 mins to 1 hour).
Repeat with other dough ball.
While rolls are rising, preheat oven to 350°. (On top of a warm oven is a great place to let them rise)
Bake rolls for 30-35 mins.
Let cool completely before frosting.
Frost with icing (see below) and enjoy!
Best warmed slightly in the microwave before consuming (10-15 seconds).


Cake mix schmear:
In a large bowl, mix cake mix and melted butter until thoroughly combined.
It will look like thick brownie batter.


Whipped cream cheese frosting
In the bowl of a stand mixer and using the paddle attachment, beat butter and cream cheese until smooth and no lumps of either remain. 
Add 4 cups of the powdered sugar and mix on low to combine.

Add the heavy whipping cream and beat on low for a few seconds, then beat on high for 30 seconds until the frosting is light and fluffy. If needed, add the extra powdered sugar by the 1/2 cup, beating on low to combine, then whipping on high for a few seconds. 

Really Good Chocolate Pudding

I don't know why, but the past few weeks, I've had mad cravings for chocolate pudding. Super creamy, rich, deep, dark chocolate pudding. I'm a bit ashamed to admit we normally buy Hershey's chocolate pudding cups because, well, they're easy and good and Costco carries them. But then it occurred to me - you know, I bet I could make my own even better. I have all the ingredients, so why not? I could make a big batch on Sundays and we could have a half a cup (pudding cups are 4oz. and it's always been enough to satisfy me) for dessert every night.

So last week, I Googled "chocolate pudding recipe" and found a lot of recipes that used egg yolks that required tempering. I really didn't want to deal with all that, so I added "-egg yolks" because, you know, you can do that. I came across... Surprise! A recipe on the Hershey's cocoa website. It was only a few ingredients and didn't see, time consuming, so I made it - at 3am. Yeah, that's when I normally get the desire to make something like pudding. Some reviewers had said it was runny while others didn't seem to have an issue with it, so I made it as-is except I used a combination of regular cocoa and dark cocoa powders. Well, sure enough, it was runny even after chilling.

The next day, I decided to try and salvage it by making a slurry of milk and the same amount of cornstarch it had originally called for. I didn't want to dirty a pan, so I nuked it. I figured if it didn't turn out, no big deal. It tasted good otherwise, so next time I'd just double the cornstarch. To my surprise, it thickened up and all was well... Until it was gone the next day.

I've made this pudding three times now and each time, I tweak it just a little.  This incarnation, I think, is my final product and it's damn good for a simple pudding. Deeply chocolatey, rich, creamy. I actually prefer to eat it warm instead of chilled, but you can have it either way. Top it with whipped cream...or not. It's good regardless.  It would also be good used as a filling for donuts or cake or in a trifle. It's infinitely better than nonfat pudding cups!

Really Good Chocolate Pudding
Makes about 2.5 cups

1/8 cup each regular and dark cocoa powders (I used Hershey's special dark)
OR 1/4 cup cocoa powder, any kind
6 tablespoons cornstarch
2/3 cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup whipping cream
1 3/4 cup whole milk
2 tablespoons butter
1 teaspoon vanilla

In a medium saucepan, whisk together the cocoa powders, cornstarch, sugar, and salt until combined. Add whipping cream to make a paste. While whisking, slowly pour in milk until thoroughly combined and any lumps are gone. Cook pudding over medium heat, stirring constantly with a silicone spatula (see note below). Continue cooking until pudding thickens and remove from heat. Add vanilla and butter and stir to combine. Serve warm or chill, placing plastic wrap directly on the surface of the pudding to prevent a skin from forming (unless you like that kind of thing). If you choose not to use plastic wrap, cool pudding to room temp before covering and chilling to prevent condensation from forming.

Note: I'm impatient, so I usually turn my burner up to about 6-7 (of 10) in order to heat the pudding faster. Once it's hot, I lower the heat to 5 and continue cooking. Just make sure to stir constantly, scraping the sides and bottom of the pot to prevent burning or lumps. I've never had issues with lumpy pudding using this method.

A Welcome and My Big Why

Greetings, all!

I've been wondering what to write for my first post for about two weeks now (a good chunk of that was spent being sick as hell with a nasty chest cold) and then it dawned on me - duh, how about a welcome post?  So, here it is...

Welcome!

Ok, cool, now that that's out of the way...

So, maybe you're wondering what this blog is about and why it's here.  To be honest, I'm not even sure.  It started out as an idea for a sounding board.  I often find myself having something to say that turns into epic posts on Facebook.  I thought - hey, why not put those on a blog instead and then link to that blog on Facebook instead?  But over the past couple of weeks since I actually created the blog, I've been thinking more and more about what all I have to say.  Those epic posts don't happen *that* often and so while I'll sometimes post them here, I also want to post about other things I'm passionate about.

This past January, I joined a group called Nerd Fitness.  Part of that whole New Year's attempt at eating better and exercising more.  I was really into reading the posts and I even ate better for awhile, but it was difficult because my husband wasn't in it with me.  He doesn't enjoy exercising and while he'll eat whatever I make, it's just not the same as it would be if he had made the same investment in his health.  I signed him up for Nerd Fitness 2-3 weeks ago because honestly, it was in the heat of the moment talking about health and fitness and, oh yeah, Pokemon Go and how great it is for helping people get out of the house and get some exercise.  So it took him awhile to start reading the material, but he finally did and has come up with his "Big Why" - he basically doesn't want to deal with taking diabetes medication and testing his blood sugar, and because his family is prone to diabetes (his entire immediate family has it even though they aren't particularly overweight), he figured he'd better do what he could now to help prevent it.

Around the time he joined, I respawned (deleted all my accumulated XP and started the program over so I could do it with him) and as I'm going through the modules, I come to MY Big Why.  I realize that MY Big Why is actually pretty superficial, but you know what?  Who the fuck cares?  It's my big why and whatever works to motivate me is good enough.  MY Big Why is... clothes.  Yep, clothes.  And cosplay.

I'm not gonna sugarcoat it - I'm fat.  There's no way around it.  In the past year, I've become more comfortable with saying it where it once would have made me cringe, but that's another story for another day.  Fact is, nothing fits me - nothing cute anyway.  I know, there are a lot of plus size clothing manufacturers out there now.  But even if something technically fits me, I just don't feel comfortable in anything because of my body.  I currently wear anywhere from a size 28-34, depending on the company.  At Torrid, I'm a size 5.  I'd probably buy a size 6 because I don't like my clothes to be close fitting. But there are so many clothing stores that only go up to a size 24... even a 28, that won't fit.  And there are SO many cute clothes out there!  I think back to high school and when I was a size 18 back when all we had was Avenue and Lane Bryant (before either one really had trendy clothes) and would give anything to be that size again.  I think about what I could wear if I were a size 18 and the fact that I could sew my own clothes without having to upsize them.  Yeah... when I was younger, I loved fashion and wanted to be a fashion designer, but more on that another time.  So anyway, that's my Big Why.  Clothes and, to a lesser extent, cosplay.  I don't care about being a size 4 or even a size 10.  I'd be perfectly fine with my high-school size and weight (180lbs by the way) because you know what?  Despite what my mother always told me - I was friggin hot back then.

So, there it is - a little more than a welcome post, but I've been thinking a lot about this stuff lately.  Please subscribe! I'll be posting on everything from fitness, nutrition, fashion, sewing, books, and who knows what else.